Blushing? Shyness? Social anxiety disorder? (If you don't like reading this is not for you.)?
So I grew up fairly shy. I was always quite and kept to myself. Through my years I gained a little confidence and even opened up a little. Lately though my shyness is hindering my life. Its not so much that I’m shy its more of the blushing thing. I blush even if someone is just saying "Hi" to me! I don’t know why I do, but here is a typical situation for me:
Person: Hi how are you?
Me: Uh good. (I’m too embarrassed to even ask them how they are)
Or when I worked for a store:
Customer: Where do you keep (item)?
Me: Uh I think its in aisle…(I forget just because someone approached me)
Here is another scenario:
I play instruments and sing. The second someone is around, though, I mess up a song that I know by heart, or I sing weird or out of pitch just because someone is around me (and for some reason I guess I’m even too embarrassed to hum a simple tune)
I have no idea why! My parents and all my sibling are immensely outgoing, one even thrives off public speaking, but me, I can barely walk in a room full of a few people without blushing, sweating, shaking or fidgeting. I know its physiological but I can’t seem to change my brain’s way of functioning.
I try every trick in the book from learning to relax to breathing exercises. I even forget about all the people in the room and tell myself that there not judging me but it doesn’t work. I haven’t had a conversation on the phone in years and when I do its always hard for me to talk and I usually end the conversation fast. I have been to the point of suicide because I feel so bad.
My family doesn’t understand and constantly puts me down for not being socially graceful. I quite my job and have a job that allows me to work in the shadows so to speak, just because I can’t handle public situation.
I feel worthless because I can’t be myself, and I know I could have a job, friends, and happiness if only I could shake this, whatever it is. This is also the most ironic part, I want to be either an actor or musician. I dream and yearn to break free and have my time in the spotlight! I need help from this "disease."
But most of all I can’t understand why this is happening, I don’t understand why I’m cursed, and most of all I want to be normal. So please help me, and sorry for the unusually large novel of a question.
Should I be on meds?!
P.S. I don’t run away from my problems I actually try and change my current state but everytime I do I revert back to my old self and have to leave the situation before I go insane. And yes I have tried hypnosis but no attainment. Also I’m nineteen and my life is just starting.
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Tagged with: aisle • brain • breathing exercises • confidence • Happiness • heart • job • musicia • parents • pitch • shyness • sibling • simple tune • store customer • suicide • typical situation
Filed under: Public Speaking
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Check out social anxiety/shyness, and self confidence, in sections 9, and 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and try the EFT in section 53: repeating to yourself "even though I suffer from social anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself" as you use the acupressure tapping/massage. Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior. (I PRETEND that I’m an ACTOR, PLAYING a PART). Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. Try this for a month, in every situation you can. I am confident that you will become much more comfortable and outgoing.
One form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and yell out: "I’m queen/king of America!", or something else ridiculous, (make up your own – have some fun, safely) then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot". But, you may not be up to the stage where you can do that, yet (I can, and I used to be shy). Or, preferably in the company of a friend, or family member, on a different train, or bus route to your regular one, call out the names, or numbers of all the stops. It will teach you that, although it isn’t actually pleasant, (EXPECT MODERATE DISCOMFORT) you will survive; be stronger for the experience, and the next time (should you need to repeat this type of therapy) will be considerably easier. Remember: "A fear avoided is a fear strengthened; a fear faced is a fear reduced." Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don’t go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don’t do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: "I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me".
Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind. Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time and directions and gradually go bigger. Although there are anti-anxiety medications (anxiolytics) available, these come with risks, and the possibility of side effects, habituation, even addiction, and withdrawal problems, and are unsuitable for young people. Try having a cup of "Tension Tamer", herbal tea, by Celestial Seasonings, (from supermarket tea, or health food aisles) or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed (I find it so strong tasting, that I need to drink it quickly, followed by something like fruit juice, to take away the taste, but others may find it more tolerable). C(h)amomile tea is a more palatable option.
I would seek medical attention
Think this way…
"Does it matter if it is strange what I am doing, if is somehow forbidden or not right; after all no one cares and it is not morally wrong"
Teach your self to ignore that feeling, you know it is there, but you don’t care that you feel it.
Maybe even think about how you can do something you couldn’t that doesn’t feel like you should, it feels so free to do so, coz you know your allowed.
CREED
I think your best bet is to see a psychologist asap.
I am not any sort of medical practitioner, but it sounds like you’re well on the way (if not already there) to AvPD.
I had a sister once, who had pretty much the exact condition. She also tried everything but nothing worked out. She even used consult hypnotherapists, psychologists et all. I think the condition is called timidness. All I can say is try meditation and/or hypnosis inducing tapes for curing timidness. Good luck.
hi there i am the same way but over the year’s i have gottin better but im still shy i dont like to talk that much i do its just i dont know what to say and i get nervous and sometimes stutter a few words here and there but im getting better and you will to it just takes time just start slowly when someone says hi you say hi how are you doing before they do you will get use to it and start talking more and stuff ya know make your self laugh dree up get guys attion it will make you feel better about your self just be you like me i dont talk to people unless they talk to me if someone smiles at me i will smile back good luck
you just need to develop your self confidence! those people around you will not skin you alive! and learn to accept faults, or mistakes. people learn from it. keep cool, relax..meditate once a day..no one can help you but you. I don’t opt for drug treatments, those are only chemicals that will harm your body in you later years.